Golf Is Like Offering a Teenager a Cigarette—It’s a Life-Altering Decision You Might Want to Avoid

Golf. A sport that looks refined, peaceful, and maybe even enjoyable—until you actually play it. Then you realize it’s a relentless grind of frustration, wasted time, and shattered self-esteem. If you’re thinking about picking up golf (or finally walking away), let me save you the trouble. Here’s why you should quit now—or never start in the first place.

1. Nobody Finishes Happier Than They Started (And You’re an Idiot If You Think You’ll "Figure It Out")

Have you ever seen someone leave a golf course happier than when they arrived? No, because golf takes your hopes and dreams, chews them up, and spits them out in the nearest bunker. You start the day optimistic, thinking maybe today’s the day you "figure it out."

Let me stop you right there—you won’t.

You think you’re going to crack the code, that one day it’ll all click, and you’ll start hitting pure shots like a pro. That’s adorable. That’s like thinking you’ll wake up one morning and suddenly speak fluent Mandarin because you’ve been using Duolingo for two weeks.

Golf does not work that way.

Even the best golfers in the world wake up some days and can’t hit a fairway to save their lives. You, my friend, are not the exception. The game will toy with you, give you just enough hope to keep you coming back, and then humiliate you in front of your friends when you slice your drive onto the neighboring fairway. Golf always wins.

2. It Eats Your Entire Day

Golf isn’t a hobby—it’s a full-time job that doesn’t pay. A round of 18 holes takes four to six hours, and that’s without the warm-up, the drive to the course, and the time spent waiting behind a slow group that refuses to let you play through. If you actually want to be good, you need to practice multiple times a week, which means your life becomes golf. And for what? The occasional decent shot that keeps you coming back like a fool?

3. You Get No Real Exercise

Yes, it’s called a sport, but let’s not kid ourselves—golf is exercise in the same way walking to the fridge is exercise. Sure, you might take a few thousand steps if you ditch the cart, but it’s not exactly breaking a sweat. Other sports make you move, release endorphins, and relieve stress. Golf? It just raises your blood pressure and gives you an expensive sunburn.

4. You Won’t Get Good At It—No Matter How Much Time You Put In

I’ve been there. I was a pretty good golfer once—playing four times a week, grinding day in and day out. I had the freedom to dedicate that much time, but guess what? Even after all that practice, I didn’t improve like I thought I would. I still couldn't crack the next level.

If you’re thinking, "I’ll just keep playing, keep improving," here’s the harsh truth: it’s not going to happen. If I’d improved just one stroke a year, I’d be a pro by now. But guess what? That didn’t happen. And it won’t happen for you either. Golf is an endless cycle of frustration where improvement comes at a glacial pace—and only if you dedicate your entire life to it. You could spend years and barely move the needle.

5. It’s a Mental Torture Chamber

Golf doesn’t just test your patience—it shatters it. You’ll spend months practicing, convinced you’re improving, only to have one bad round erase all your confidence. You’ll question your abilities, your decision-making, and eventually, your entire existence. And the worst part? You’ll keep coming back, thinking next time will be different. (It won’t.)

6. It Ruins a Perfectly Good Walk

Imagine a peaceful walk in a beautiful park, birds chirping, sun shining, fresh air filling your lungs. Now imagine interrupting that by angrily hacking at the ground, cursing under your breath, and watching yet another ball disappear into the trees. That’s golf. You could be enjoying nature, but instead, you’re out here ruining your day, one swing at a time.

7. Golf Is Like Offering a Teenager a Cigarette—It’s a Life-Altering Decision You Might Want to Avoid

If someone invites you to play golf, think twice. It’s like offering a teenager a cigarette. At first, you think it’s just a casual thing—"Why not, it’ll be fun!"—but it’s about to be a life-altering decision. The moment you step onto that course, you’re about to enter a world of frustration, obsession, and self-doubt. Sure, it starts out harmless, but before long, you’re addicted, wasting time, money, and energy you’ll never get back. That first round will plant the seed, and next thing you know, you’re out there chasing a score that will never truly satisfy you.

Final Thoughts: Quit While You Can

Unless you enjoy wasting time, spending money, and voluntarily suffering, quit now. Or better yet—never start. Your sanity will thank you.